Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Ah, the nerdiness! The googles, they do nothing!!!

Just had a quick look at where Super Cheap Auto is (need to replace a brake light on my car) on Google Maps and clicked on Street View to double check my visual reference.
As I'm looking at the building, I notice a little icon of what looks like a little head-and-shoulders with red and blue eyes. When mousing over it the eyes move. Turns out that they're meant to signafy 3D googles, because clicking on the little icon makes the picture go blurrier, which is a classic trademark of what will happen when watching something that's in '3D' without the requisite googles.
Geez, could the guys from the Googleplex get any more nerdy???
PS. It was where I thought it was, so all is well with the world. Oh, and pun totally intended!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

If we stab them, will they not bleed?!?

Bloody Stupid

Grocery Store | Phoenix, AZ, USA

(The previous customer had purchased nineteen whole chickens. The packaging leaked chicken blood/juice onto the cashier belt.)

Me: “Just one second, ma’am. I’m going to clean the belt off first. There’s a ton of chicken blood on it and it’s pretty nasty.”

Customer: “Excuse me? Do you think I’m stupid?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t quite get what you mean.”

Customer: “I’m not an idiot. A chicken is a bird, and birds don’t bleed!”



Monday, March 29, 2010

The date is a maths sum again!!!

30/3/10, being either
30 / 3 = 10
30 = 3 * 10

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Do they realise whay they're saying, or are they really that arrogant?!?

A Gold Medal For Meddling With Time

TV Studio | Vancouver, Canada

(I work for a network that is hosting the 2010 Olympic games. The network is selling a DVD pack of Olympic highlights that people can order now, and will be sent to them when the Olympics have finished.)

Me: “Hello and thanks for calling. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I saw the ad on TV about the Olympic DVD pack you’re selling, and I’d like to order one. I was wondering if I could get them shipped to me by Friday. My son’s birthday is on Saturday.”

Me: “Sir, the Olympics don’t end until Sunday.”

Caller: “So, what’s the problem?”

Me: “You’re asking to have them shipped to you two days before the Olympics end. And even after the Olympics are over, I’m sure it’s going to take some time to get all of the packages made and shipped.”

Caller: “So you can’t have them here by Friday?”

Me: “Sir, there is no way to get them to you by Friday because the Olympics don’t end until Sunday.”

Caller: “That’s ridiculous! Now what are we supposed to get Johnny? Isn’t there any way they can get all the Olympics done before Friday?”



Thursday, March 25, 2010


Comically Bad Timing

Grocery Store | Prince Edward Island, Canada

Me: “Hi, How are you?”

Customer: “Good, how are you?”

Me: “I’m good. Do you have an Air miles card?”

Customer: “Yes, Yes I do.”

(He hands me a card that is well-worn and falling apart.)

Customer: “It’s really old, but it still works well. My god does it ever work well.” *creepy look*

(The customer pays and leaves, all the while staring at me very creepily. About two minutes later, he comes back into the store, returns to my line, looks at me right in the eye, and says…)




What the should've said is "No, it's a Hardware Store"

A Rose By Any Other Name

Grocery Store | Kansas, USA

(A customer comes to the bakery and asks me if we sell some ointment.)

Me: “Sorry, but we don’t sell that here.”

Customer: “Where can I get it?”

Me: “I would suggest one of the local pharmacies.” *I name a few, including B & J’s Pharmacy*

Customer: “Is B & J’s Pharmacy…a pharmacy?”

Me: “Yes…”



Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I don't think he'll see as much action as he thinks he will!

Women’s Studies, Not Studying Women

College | Sydney, Australia

(I work in enrollment in my university.)

Me: “What degree would you like to enrol in?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, what are you interested in?”

Customer: “Hot girls.”

Me: “You mean ‘Women’s Studies’?”

Customer: “Does that have lots of girls in it?”

Me: “Pretty much all girls.”

Customer: “Awesome, I’ll do that.”

(Note: ‘Women’s Studies’ studies feminism.)


Sunday, March 21, 2010

Your FACE is stupid!

Pot Calling (and Calling, and Calling) The Kettle Black

Tech Support | Hollywood, FL, USA

(Note: this phone call took place back when dial-up internet was more popular.)

Me: “Good afternoon, how may I help you?”

Customer: “This stupid modem doesn’t work.”

Me: “I’m sorry. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “It doesn’t work! It’s stupid!”

Me: “Well, to fix it I need to know how it isn’t working. Is it turned on now?”

Customer: “How should I know if the stupid thing is on or not?”

Me: “Well, there’s an on/off switch on top, and a power light. Is the switch on and the light green?”

Customer: “Look, I don’t have time for all these stupid questions. I can just show you what it’s doing.”

Me: “You can show me how the modem isn’t working?”

Customer: “Yeah… listen!”

(Suddenly, there is the loud scream of a modem in my ear. After a moment the call disconnects. The customer calls back a minute later.)

Customer: “There! See what the stupid thing did?”

Me: “Yes, sir, you told the modem to dial while we were already talking on the line. It screamed in my ear and disconnected.”

Customer: “You see! This stupid thing does this every time I try to use it while I’m on the phone!”

Me: “Sir, you can’t use modem on the same line where you are already making a phone call.”

Customer: “What? I can’t have my phone line tied up every time I want to send a file! That’s stupid! This thing is a piece of sh*t!”

Me: “Sir, are you able to make a new telephone call when you are already talking on that line without hanging up on the first person or putting them on hold?”

Customer: “Of course not! Why would you even ask something stupid like that?”

Me: “Well, your modem can’t do so either.”

Customer: “That’s stupid!” *hangs up*



Wednesday, March 3, 2010

A classic tale from the year 2000

Do's and Don'ts

I used to work for a company that provided turn key systems with our software installed and configured on it. We were a small company, and before i came on the Support And Installation department had a bad reputation for poor qaulity. The owner had laid off all of the department for incompetence, except for Kieth, who was our Senoir Support Technician. That was when I got hired on. One day a new customer called. I recognized the customer's name, because he had been in our office for training the week before, and I had built his system for him. He took it with him when he left on Friday. It was Monday. I knew something was wrong. Here is how the conversation went: (M=Me;K=Kieth;C=Customer)

M: Thank you for calling ******* Software, This is Chris, how can I help you?
C: Good Morning Chris, This is ***** with ******. Listen Chris, I was told by other owners that I shouldn't have baught from you guys, but I did anyways. They told me you would forget something, and mess up my order. I took a chance and you guys screwed up.
M: OK Sir, whatever it is I am sure we can fix it, just tell me what is wrong.
C: You forgot to send me my "Don'ts" book.
M: [I mute the phone and turn to Keith] Kieth do we have a "Don'ts" book that we send with our systems now??
K: Not that I am aware of.
M: [I unmute the phone] Sir, there isn't a "Don'ts" book we send with our systems.
C: Look, don't try to play games with me, you sent me my "Do's" book. I want my "Don'ts" book.
M: [I mute the phone and turn to Keith] Kieth do we have a "Do's" book that we send with our systems now??
K: Nope, don't have that either.
M: [I unmute the phone] Sir, we don't send a "Do's" book with our systems either.
C: Look Chris, I am holding it in my hand so don't try to tell me you don't send them out. D O S "Do's" now I want my "Don'ts"
M: Sir, That is DOS, it is the abbreviation for Disk Operating System. It's a Microsoft product that enables your computer to work.
C: Oh, Sorry for the misunderstanding.

The customer then abruptly hung up, and never called again. I got the feeling that if his computer was on fire he wouldn't have called.

Thanks to: Chris Hockenberry